Cracky commentfic (OMG, self, what?)

Title: According to Plan
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles Was Zählt, Marc
Word Count: 290 words (commentfic)
Rating: Uhm. G?
Warnings: *Uhm, murder. But in a cracky way! (that makes it ok, right?)* [highlight to read]
Summary: Marc knew he would never win Roman's heart as himself. After all, he was the past and Deniz was the future and he was not hot and Deniz was SO CUTE and the PERFECT BOYFRIEND. This had been confirmed by focus groups. So there was only one thing to do, really.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing.
A/N: Hahahahah, omg. Okay. So someone on YouTube was all "Marc, when are you going to learn that you are no Deniz Öztürk???", which had me crack up as I imagined Marc trying to impersonate Deniz and then [info]praderwilli was all "Fanfic bitte?" and I was all, "Oh fucking hell, why not", so... WILLI, YOU CUNNING FOX, THIS IS FOR YOU. And then [info]sdk came along and hyena'd at me and commanded me to post somewhere linkable and I cannot deny her, so... lololol. (Also, if someone were to photoshop Marc trying to look like Deniz, I would be their willing slavegirl for life.)

According to Plan


Marc's hands were only shaking slightly as he rinsed them under the tap in the locker room. He noted it with clinical detachment and willed them to stop. Deniz's long limbs were surprisingly difficult to cram into the tiny shower stall, almost as if he was defying Marc even in death. Marc resolutely didn't look at his slack-mouthed, still face as he shoved his legs towards the corner and then pulled the shower curtain shut on the sight.

Returning to the sink, he pulled off his blazer and shirt and retrieved Deniz's green-and-white lumberjack shirt from his gym bag. It was a little tight across Marc's chest, but if he hunched his shoulders and no one looked too closely, it would do. He looped Deniz's white belt around the waist of his jeans, then popped in the contacts, blinking a little at the initial sting. The package of dark hair dye sat next to the mirror, ready for application. Marc stared at the closed shower curtain in the mirror for a second. Had it moved? No, of course not. He was imagining things. The boy was dead, his lungs full of water. He was out of the way. All was going according to plan.

Taking a deep breath, Marc returned his gaze to his own face, noting absently that he'd have to shave before he injected the botox into his lips. It was odd, looking at his own eyes in a stranger's colour.

"Dude," he said in a low voice, testing out the unfamiliar word, rolling it around his mouth. Then he cleared his throat and lowered his voice more, attempting Deniz's amused youthful timbre. "Duuuuude."

It sounded good. Accurate. Satisfied, Marc smiled at himself. "We'll rock this thing."

Comments

*HYENAS ENDLESSLY* THIS IS SO MUCH WIN O. M. G! AND I MUST REITERATE MY DESIRE FOR A SEQUEL INVOLVING DENIZ RETURNING AS A ZOMBIE. BECAUSE WAAAAAAAAAANT.

I LOVE THIS TALENTED, INSANE, CRACKY, SPARKLY FANDOM MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS. <333333333333333333
HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG HE AND BULLE SHALL HAVE A REIGN OF CRACKY TERROR SUCH AS ESSEN HAS NEVER SEEN BEFORE. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.
Oh. Dear. God. So this is what happens when I'm too busy to stop you?

(I should not love mostly that you put Marc in lumberjack Stella date shirt, should I?)
Being insane keeps me from madness. You know how it is.
THIS IS GLORIOUS ABSURDITY! HAHAHAHA. AND OF COURSE THEY WERE IN THE LOCKER ROOM BECAUSE I SWEAR SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THE HAPPENINGS OF ESSEN REVOLVE AROUND THAT LOCKER ROOM! HAHAHAHAHA.

Also, this was a bit creepy. I mean that in the most positive way.
YAY I AM CREPPY!!! THANK YOU! \o/

You are so right about that locker room, lol. I am in awe at how they still manage to do mundane things like shower (the non-sex kind) and dress and put away clothes without being assaulted by a million flashbacks of all the woobie/sexy/cracky happenings in that locker room ALL THE TIME.
I'm loving that you posted this. Hahaha. Still in love with you for writing this. Well, you already know how much, because it made me lose my head and propose marriage, even though we're both already taken and I don't even like women in that way.

Although, I really, really hope that nobody hates me for encouraging you to make Marc murder Deniz. I just can't help picturing him murdering Deniz in a flail-y panic, sort of the same way that he delivered that punch. And it totally cracks me up.

Because it can't be said enough: YOU ARE AWESOME!

*gives you a hug and an eskimo kiss*
*eskimo-snogs you heartily*

It's okay, Schatz, we'll just carry on with our dirty affair in the locker room and the hotel (I make a passable stalker, but we can take turns?) and ignore all the people who accuse us of living in the past.

Hahaha, thank you for inspiring this. It provided much needed comic relief. I even promise I'll share any murder threats I may get for having poor angelic Deniz killed off by evil!Marc, lol.

And I can SO see Marc killing Deniz in a flaily "oh shit!!" kind of way, LOL! I swear I don't know where people get the impression that he's sinister and plotty when he's just a giant awkward flaildork. Not that he can't be smooth, mind you, but not so much with the cunning plotting against rivals! heheheh.
OMG THAT IS FABULOUS! JUST THE SUMMARY ITSELF CRACKS ME UP *BWAHAHAHAHAHAH*

IS IT STRANGE THAT I WANT TO SEE THE MURDER SCENE? I MEAN POOR DENIZ D: BUT I CAN'T HELP THINKING OF A FLAILING MARC WHO'S HIS RESPECTFUL SELF AND EVEN TRIES TO APOLOGISE. *cackles*

BUT MARC IMITATING DENIZ? BEST THING EVER! TAKING HIS LUMBERJACK SHIRT? INJECTING BOTOX? "DUDE"? "WE'LL ROCK THIS THING"? OH ALDI, THAT IS BEYOND AWESOME! =D

Those are the moments I want those losers to deliver more cracktastic ideas *snickers* *loves fandom*
Hahahahah, that's the only good thing about all the ridic wank these days - it provides so much inspiration for totally cracked-out WTF fanart!

COME ON, LOSERS, GIVE US MORE MATERIAL! (but preferably not on our own turf, lol)
Bwahahahaha! *loves*

*points at icon* Here, have this for now. It's the best I can do in five minutes but I promise to make some better ones when I get the time!
OMG I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! SLAVEGIRL DUTIES ARE YOURS!!! (AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MIND ME SQUISHING THEM INTO THOSE 4 SECONDS A DAY THAT I'M NOT DOING SOMETHING ELSE, LOLOLOL)

*PETS AND LOVES ICON AND CRACKS UP*

<333333333333333333333
Eeek! I want Deniz to come back a la Telltale Heart and for Marc to go crazy, just hearing "Dude" all the time. And to go a bit bonkers and have the sudden urge to play hockey and dance while he cleans.

I love this, I love the entire thing Eskimos seem to do of just ruthlessly mocking the foolish. So much more fun than just eyerolling.
*cuddles your brilliant self*
(OMG, it has been SO long since I added new icons! I need Marc icons NAO!)
LOL, The Telltale Heart! OMG that would be brilliant. And you just know Marc couldn't handle it and would just go completely bonkers!

Hahahaha, I love that too. I think making fun of the stupid by being creative is one of the best coping mechanisms this fandom has ever discovered <33333333333
*DIES A FEW DOZEN TIMES* OH. MY. GOD. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I just... I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I DON'T THINK I CAN TALK ANY MORE FOR LAUGHTER. I SO WISH I HAD PHOTOMANIP SKILLS!! *sadfaces until she cracks up again*
Hahahahahah OH BEBE, IT'S OKAY, NIC AND AMILEE MADE ICONS. LOLOLOLOL. I LOVE OUR CRACKY FANDOM!
BEST FANDOM EVER! *SQUISHES*
WHAT?!?! HAHAHA, oh Aldi!
wth did you do?? haters will think they were right all along and you do hate Deniz!
hahahahah!

(and 'duuuuude' reminds me of Finding Nemo....)
Hahahhaha omg I know, I realised after posting it that ahem, "SELF, YOU HAVE JUST HAD DENIZ MURDERED BY MARC IN COMMENTFIC. ON YOUTUBE. IN AN EP OF EPIC DENIZ WOOBIENESS. ARE YOU SUICIDAL???"

Sadly, I have received no hatemail yet, but hey, maybe there's a YT channel somewhere out there with a KILL ALDI background. LOLOLOL.
You really shouldn't have given me this idea. *points at icon* Not sure if that's the right lumberjack shirt...
HAHHAHAHAHAHHA YES THAT IS IT. OMG LOVE!!! <333333333333333

I shall faithfully divvy up my slavegirl services between you and Nic. Bwahahahahahaha.
Hehe, glad you love :)

Feel free to grab it if you want.
Omg, hahahahah!!! Duuuuude!
\o/

(also, hahahahah YOUR ICON!)
I stole it from the lovely redcouchaddict (thanks!).
That's pretty much my mood these days! :-D
DUUUUUDEEEEE? WHAT? HAHAHAH ALDI!!!!...THAT'S JUST BRILLIANT!! THINGS LIKE THIS ARE THE REASON WHY I SHOULD NOT LET MY RL FRIENDS TAKE ME AWAY WITHOUT NOTICE...OMG! THIS FIC!!! I WOULD ATTEMPT TO PHOTOSHOP BUT EMILEE DID AN AWESOME ONE ALREADY!!! HAHAHAH LUMBER JACK SHIRT!!! OMG!!! <333
Sometimes I feel like I entered some strange surreal parallel universe here, and the frightening thing is, I like it here and start making it my second home.

Where will it all end??

February 2018

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