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Dec. 1st, 2015

Fic: Goat Trading with Benefits (Spartacus/Vikings; Agron/Nasir/Ragnar)

Title: Goat Trading with Benefits
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Spartacus, Vikings; Agron/Nasir/Ragnar (anyone who can come up with a better portmanteau for that than “Nagnar” will receive a free baby goat)
Word Count: 300
Rating: Mature
Warnings: HE ONLY LIKES TO CUDDLE GOATS, I SWEAR.
Summary: Ragnar comes to buy goats from Agron and Nasir, and stays for a little more.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Spartacus, Vikings, or any goats.
A/N: My blanket disclaimer for timelines: If Carthage fell within the Spartacus time frame, then a thousand years of Viking history mean nothing :p Contains a small homage to the Punk Band AU series by [info]amyriadfthings, [info]amo_amas_amat, and [info]lilithilien. Written for the 2015 Fic or Die challenge, filling [info]lilithilien’s prompt “Ragnar (Vikings) discusses goat farming with Agron and Nasir (Spartacus).”

Fic is here @ AO3

Oct. 18th, 2015

Fic: the perfect time to say this (Barca/Pietros, NC-17)

Soz about the spam today, f-list. I'm catching up with crap I've meant to post all week.

Title: the perfect time to say this
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Spartacus; Barca/Pietros (Barca POV)
Word Count: 2300
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Fluff. Literal fluff.
Summary: Barca and Pietros are expecting baby pigeons and it’s about as ridiculous as you’d expect.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Spartacus. Clearly I’ve made the wrong life choices.
A/N: Brought to you by my exploding feels while watching ep 301 of Please Like Me. Yeah, IDEK, but here, I dare you to resist. I also blame [info]lilithilien for this because I was perfectly happy poking at various angstfest fics before she suggested that Barca and Pietros needed birds put on their heads.

Fic is here at AO3

Jul. 11th, 2014

Fic: Mirror Mirror (AWZ/kind-of-BtSV-but-not-really crossover). CAREFUL, CONTAINS KATJA.

So I was gonna write some heartbreaking historical mountaineering slash for Fic or Die. And then the fic that chose to finish itself instead was AWZ crossover crack featuring Katja Fucking Bergmann. I'm sorry, but not sorry enough to spare you :p

Title: Mirror Mirror
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles was zählt with a tiny smidge of BtSV. Katja Bergmann, Mirror Twin.
Word Count: ~2000
Rating: PG-13 for a bit of language
Warnings: KATJA.
Summary: In which Katja's Mirror Twin is a vengeance demon. And Katja used the W word. Oops.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: I'm not tagging this BtSV because it's really not a Buffy fic, but I did steal the vengeance demon mythology from BtSV. Unbeta'd, so feel free to point out errors or shut up about them, I am really supremely uninvested in this fic, lol.

~~~ Fic is here at AO3 ~~~

Jul. 5th, 2014

Fic: The Wolf-Reyes Connection (Teen Wolf/Doctor Who crossover)

Another silly one for Fic or Die! (What. I have a lot of unfinished fic :p).

Title: The Wolf-Reyes Connection
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Teen Wolf/Doctor Who; Erica, Boyd, the Eleventh Doctor, the Alpha Pack
Word Count: 2750
Rating: G
Warnings: Silliness and shameless tweaking of astronomical features.
Summary: "Oh, this was just great, Erica thought. She and Boyd were about to get torn apart by these alpha freaks, and here was some kind of mad alien with two hearts. A mad alien with an ancient phone box and a sentient plant."
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: Don't mind me, just sending the cavalry to rescue Erica and Boyd from the clumsy clutches of bad canon :p Because I still love Erica and I'm still bitter at Teen Wolf for totally wasting her potential. Set right after the Teen Wolf season 2 finale (not remotely s3-compatible, obvs); in the Doctor's timeline, not too long after The Angels Take Manhattan. Thanks to [info]alsha for typo-catching!

~~~ Fic is here at AO3 ~~~

Sep. 3rd, 2012

Breed Me (IDEK what this is. Sterek mpreg songcrack, apparently).

I blame [info]amyriadfthings and [info]amo_amas_amat for enabling this :p

So uhm. It all started with mocking the millions of badvids out there using Breathe Me. And then there was the reading of fic and encountering of lots of equally bad knotting fic in which "pups" was used as a synonym for "come" and people apparently thought someone moaning "Breed me!" in the middle of sex was hot (hint: it's really, really not). Then there was a brainmush of "Breathe Me should really be Breed Me, lololol," and... well... that was that.


IF I COULD VID, I WOULD MAKE THIS AN ACTUAL VID. )


...yeah. I'm just going to quietly drown myself now, kthxbai.

Aug. 18th, 2012

That icon meme

Nabbed from [info]lilithilien, because I've got so many new icons I've already forgotten half of them and need every opportunity to memorise them, lol.

I am not even concise in icons )

Wow, that took a while.

Jul. 29th, 2012

HOW COULD I FORGET "OSAMA - THE MUSICAL"???

Total crime of oversight. Oh Skins, only you can be this fucked up :DDDD

Mar. 19th, 2012

Mallory & Irvine: A Historical Mountaineering RPS Post (What? Yes! Oh God.)

I have been meaning to post more but could not really think of what, as I'm on a strictly limited allowance of Crazy Things My Cats Did posts. I have, however, recently rediscovered my love of reading (something I didn't have too much time for the past few years), so I've been devouring books like a Death Eater eating, uhm, death (or possibly treacle).

One of the things I have been reading about is climbing. I used to climb and used to love it but I've kind of grown too old and lazy to do it, and also, mountains are fucking terrifying. I mean, they're entirely awesome in every way but personally I'm done crawling all over them with a big neon-green sign reading "COME AND KILL ME" around my neck, you know?

Instead, I read about other climbers, which is great fun, very educational and very much less lethal.

So without further ado, let me present to you two mountaineering legends of the early 20th century and their Great Clandestine Gay Love Affair (As Totally Fabricated By Me):

I am probably going to hell for this (picspam-heavy) )

Dec. 7th, 2011

Spoilers: Episode 1346-1354

Title: Spoilers: Episode 1346-1354 (The Very Unlikely Romance Of Katja Bergmann and Isabelle Reichenbach)
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles was zählt; Katja/Isabelle; hints of: *Franziska/Melanie; Sarah/Melanie; Bergmann sistercest* [highlight to read]
Rating: Gen; NOTHING THAT OFFICIAL AWZ SPOILERPICS WOULD NOT BE OKAY WITH
Spoilers: Through 1355-ish. (If you actually paid attention to official AWZ spoiler pics which I HOPE TO GOD YOU DON'T AND IF YOU DO, GOOD GRIEF, DO YOU NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!)
Summary: Simone has a brandnew business idea. Katja and Isabelle go along with it, completely ignoring any feelings-you-might-feel.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to RTL, who haven't the first bleeding idea of what to do with them.
A/N: My first *yes I am planning MOAR, just gimme time* contribution to the AWZ femslash ficathon 2011. These are brandnew and totally authentic, not at all made up AWZ spoilers that will happen any moment now *CHIRP*. Don't you dare question my Very Authentic And Not At All Made-Up Official Spoiler Translations. Any deliberately cheesy spoiler phrasings are deliberate. Big thanks to my ever vital beta [info]lilithilien for her essential contributions :D WE OWN SHOW, DON'T YOU KNOW.

Follow the yummy sugary crack. You know you want to. )

Mar. 14th, 2011

Fanart, crack, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL: Stella's Moving Topstory

Happy VERY BELATED BIRTHDAY, [info]lilithilien! Or, you know, random mid-March BECAUSE-YOU-ARE-AWESOME present ;)

Title: The Very Awesome, Serious And Dramatic, Not At All Ridiculous REAL Topstory of 2010!!!!!!
Artist: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles Was Zählt, Stella, Lars, Roman, Deniz, Oliver
Medium: Comic
Rating: PG for upsetting depictions of roadkill
Warnings: Stella. Exclamation mark abuse. Artfail (but who cares about Oliver, right?) DRAMATIC comic EMPHASIS!!!!
Disclaimer: These characters belong to RTL.
Artist's notes: Inspired by RTL.de's hilariously simplistic summary of Stella's wheelchair ordeal. I meant to colour it, I did. But GIMP fail and laziness prevailed. Just think of it as a comic noir :p

My IJ layout doesn't like the sizing, so here, have a direct cracklink!

Jan. 11th, 2011

HoFest gift claiming: Oh Right, There Was Another One

*shamelessly clutters up f-list*

I suppose it's too late to pretend I didn't write fic with Mars in it. lololol.


Title: Rock 'n' Roll Dreams Come True
Author: [info]aldiara
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Deniz/Roman, and… ??? [surprise!]
Summary: When Deniz inadvertently finds Two Tickets To That Thing He Loves instead of his favourite cock ring, he and Roman embark on a grim adventure of ear-raping agony that eventually leads to a chance encounter with DESTINY.
Rating: PG-13. Alas, no actual ear rape occurs.
Warning(s): Mars. Loquaciousness, soap plots, crack. Hm, better safe than sorry: THIS FIC CONTAINS NARRATION AND DIALOGUE, REPRESENTED BY LETTERS ON A SCREEN. CORRECT GRAMMAR MAY OCCUR. ALSO, MARRRRS.
Word Count: 3500
Author's Notes: Originally written as a pinch hit for HoHoHo Fest. Thanks to my wonderful cheerleading beta [info]lilithilien! And shoutouts go to Queer As Folk (UK) and The Shoebox Project, from which I've rudely stolen a couple of lines. Also, I blame someone else for Mars. Someone not me. You know who you are. (Hint: [info]alsha[info]alsha it's [info]alsha :p)

Rock 'n' Roll Dreams Come True )

~~~

why o why do i not have a mars icon o the shame

Jan. 2nd, 2011

MY HED IS PASTEDE ON, YAY!!!

Hahahahaha. THIS IS WHY I DON'T DO GRAPHICS. HAHAHAHAAH.

So it all started out with me being annoyed about Katja's mopey smudgey self in the back of Ben & Izzie's wedding dress. So I started to smudge her out.

Then somehow I ended up giving Izzie fiery phoenix wings. Now I'm craving wingfic!

Then Katja got obliviated in the blazing white blast of Ben & Izzie's joined hands. YAY. CLEAN WHITE LOVE SAVES THE PIC DAY!

Then Ben annoyed me by having flat hair, and by constantly accidentally getting his nose smudged out.

SO THEN I ENDED UP WITH REICHENCEST WEDDING. IDEK, FANDOM. IDEK.

Photobucket

Dec. 2nd, 2010

Ficlet for [info]praderwilli - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY [info]praderwilli!!!

*smooches* Hope you have a fantastic day, baby!

Photobucket

(Awwww, remember how cute the kidlets were before we turned them into alcoholic slobs? Also, although it's technically my turn to be Liz, because it's your birthday you can be her ALL WEEK. I'll even try not to hit you too much.)

Also, because I can't do vids and I'm shit at graphics, have a sillyfic:


Title: Flimsy Premise: An Audio Track
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles was zählt; Deniz/Roman
Word Count: 1200 words
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mostly dialogue only. AU-ish. Crack.
Summary: Transcript based on an audio-only track recorded by the security system at Steinkamp Sports & Wellness one night, after the cameras had regrettably been sabotaged under mysterious circumstances. Essen's police force is still investigating.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to me. Yes, yes they do. I insist.
A/N: Knocked together in great haste for my darling husband [info]praderwilli's birthday. Unbeta'd, so feel free to point out errors or, you know, STFU about them, either works. I LOVE YOU, WILLI!

Flimsy Premise: An Audio Track )

Sep. 21st, 2010

Happy Birthday Placebo!!

Hope it's an awesomely sparkly fantastic one! *smooches*

Photobucket

(sorry, I have a genetic inability to associate your real name with you, lol)

Jul. 1st, 2010

Cracky commentfic (OMG, self, what?)

Title: According to Plan
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles Was Zählt, Marc
Word Count: 290 words (commentfic)
Rating: Uhm. G?
Warnings: *Uhm, murder. But in a cracky way! (that makes it ok, right?)* [highlight to read]
Summary: Marc knew he would never win Roman's heart as himself. After all, he was the past and Deniz was the future and he was not hot and Deniz was SO CUTE and the PERFECT BOYFRIEND. This had been confirmed by focus groups. So there was only one thing to do, really.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing.
A/N: Hahahahah, omg. Okay. So someone on YouTube was all "Marc, when are you going to learn that you are no Deniz Öztürk???", which had me crack up as I imagined Marc trying to impersonate Deniz and then [info]praderwilli was all "Fanfic bitte?" and I was all, "Oh fucking hell, why not", so... WILLI, YOU CUNNING FOX, THIS IS FOR YOU. And then [info]sdk came along and hyena'd at me and commanded me to post somewhere linkable and I cannot deny her, so... lololol. (Also, if someone were to photoshop Marc trying to look like Deniz, I would be their willing slavegirl for life.)

According to Plan )

Feb. 13th, 2010

Today's Mission: FAILED.

Today I set out to do a good thing and try to get Stefan Bockelmann a.k.a. Vampire Lounge Singer some loving. I was going to accomplish this by finding a legitimately cute picture of him.

Alas, I got no further than this, at which point I had to go away and die of mirth.



...yeah.
Tags:

Feb. 11th, 2010

Today's voting grumbles

#1: Veela Boy With Unattractively Hairy Arms: Nope. You still leave me utterly cold. You could be at -25% and I would not be stirred by pity. NICHT MEIN FALL.

#2: The Formerly Impishly Attractive Lars: Dude, don't even. WE BROKE UP. There's nothing but shards left and I can never trust you again. Even to think of those pictures makes me quietely seethe, or worse, want to cry. Go away and never come back. There's no point trying anymore, you faker. It's over. NICHT MEIN FALL.

#3: Hi Crinkle-Faced Smile of Win! It's okay. You don't have to whip your shirt off (though I'll appreciate it), spazz at me about how awesome boxing is (though I'll valiantly attempt to pretend I agree) or show me your bloody knuckles (though I'll be suitably impressed). You had me at "Hallo!" HOT.

#4: The Littlest, Lostest Weasley a.k.a. The Formerly Unfortunate No.4: Hmmm. Have we racked up enough karmic points yet? Does Christine have enough material for fic? Because I kinda feel like you're getting cocky. And like I need to give you a GEHT SO to keep you in your place. Cause next thing we know, you'll be accepting whatever lame trophy they've come up with for the Sexiest Soapstar winner with a grinny smirk and everyone will be looking all shifty and avoiding each other's eyes and later on no one will be able to explain how it happened and Igor will look crushed and make me cry. Ergo: GEHT SO.

#5: Hey Süßer. No, I don't care. Sacrifice yourself on the altar of pink, trashy indignity. It's for a good cause. HOT.

#6: Short Chocolate Truffle Smoky Yumminess: Purr. You know, that photo makes you look surprisingly crappy. But whatevs. HOT.

#7: The Amazing Square-Faced Squintbot: I have a guilty secret to confess. I am giving this dude GEHT SO. Such is the extent of my utter non-caring. I just don't feel strongly enough to give him the same scorn as Mars & Co. If I were any more indifferent, I'd dissolve. In fact, I'm already not remembering who I'm even talking about. GEHT SO and onwards!

#8: Mr. Sex Predator In Your Neighbourhood: No indifference here. If I could vote you into negative numbers, I would. EW. NICHT MEIN FALL.

#9: Greasy Max. HOT. Yes. I don't care what y'all think. Once upon a time, I thought greasy Max was gross. Then I thought he was gross but kind of sinistery-appealy. Then I thought he was gross but kinda yummy. Then I went back to thinking he's just gross. (Mostly Celine's and Lena's fault). He is the most disgusting man that I ever did find attractive. I respect that. HOT.

#10: Saaaaam. Sam Sam Sam. We must talk. WHY IS YOUR WIFE NOT IN THIS POLL? Damn you. For that alone, you will never win. And for the fact that I currently despise your character for a spineless, macho wimp. But still. HOT.

#11: Curse you, Raul Richter. Don't think I am not onto you. Don't think I didn't see you in today's Cenny ep, looking delicious in red and being all noble and loyal, standing up for the Yummiest Double-Choc Cupcake anyone ever had for a friend. Don't think I didn't see you casting glances at me from the corner of your eyes, going "Come on, I'm kind of lovely, aren't I? You may scoff, but you secretly think I'm all sorts of dishevelledly scrumptious." Maybe. Maybe I do, but you're not getting to me. Not you or your windblown princely ash-blond locks. I am firm as a rock in stormy seas, and I shall not waver. NICHT MEIN FALL.

#12: Vampire Lounge Singer: And again I must confess. I've been giving him GEHT SO. Don't judge me - he's no danger, I don't even know him and he's never harmed anyone, other than those casual clubgoers he's eaten in dark corners. Plus I can't get the image of him sprawled all over Lucifer's piano at Lux, dressed in nothing but a little red dress and a ludicrous shiny cape, crooning "You Give Me Fever" out of my head. Yes, I'm a sick woman, so what? GEHT SO, MOVING ON, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

#13: Hello most adorable boy in the world. Apart from being too pretty to live, you are also just all around way too lovely to ever merit less than HOT, and to give you GEHT SO has given me heartburn in the past, so I won't even try right now. Let me just indefinitely put off that inevitable moment when I'm going to have to make a decision. HOT, PLUMPTIOUS.

#14: WHAT POSSIBLE EXCUSE DO YOU HAVE FOR EXISTING? FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKETY FUCK OFF, FUCK YOU. NICHT MEIN FALL, THANKS FOR WASTING MY TIME, LOSER.

#15: Hi John. I would rate you something decent, but I am paralysed with not caring very much. Plus, you were an arse to your gay girlfriend and your gay girlfriend's gay girlfriend, and now you're an arse to your sister's gay boyfriend, so, you know... piss off. NICHT MEIN FALL.

Feb. 10th, 2010

Here, have some aversion therapy

As if I needed any more procrastination material, I have taken it upon myself to help out some people who are having trouble resisting the cunningly chosen PR shots of some of the candidates who most definitely need to be voted "NICHT MEIN FALL." All for a good cause, of course.

Photos lie. Follow me. )

Apr. 5th, 2009

I'm watching old AWZ episodes. And I'm... kind of finding Keule hot. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.
Tags:

Apr. 1st, 2009

ALSO? I CAN KILL YOU WITH MY BRAIN.

Barring that, with my nonsensical picspam. You will all COWER.

Oh god, it's official, I have lost my mind. Not that I was ever that much in possession of it anyway, but whatevs.

Did I mention this? I don't think I have:

(God, I just want to smack his face off his face SO HARD!)

Voting is open until Friday, and I will spam you with cracky banners until then and wheedle at you to go vote. It doesn't matter if you don't even read this stuff. Just go vote anyway! *g* (and you don't have to vote for me, either. Pick whoever's name is crackiest or what have you.)

Where was I? Right, mind-losing! Totally gone off the deep end. with spam of all kinds )

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