Dec. 9th, 2011

The (Last Edition of) the Best and Worst of AWZ, 2011

Yo. It's the weekend and I have nothing to do. Naturally this would be ideal conditions to go do something productive such as work on Perfect Combination edits or write something for the AWZ femmeslash ficathon (I do have ideas, I swear I do!), but after careful consideration I have decided that that would be, you know, creative and useful and entertaining and might actually shake me out of my current obstinate mopey mood AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT, CAN WE.

No, no, we can't. So instead I decided to do one final round-up of the Best and Worst of AWZ, because... fuck me if I know why, really, but it sounded like some twisted version of fun. I might actually need to be committed.

Wheeeeeeeee! )

Jan. 5th, 2011

The Best and Worst of AWZ 2010

So I haven't posted on GoDT in yonks and honestly I have no desire to. But I did always enjoy the yearly round-ups of the best and worst storylines, so I've rudely appropriated the template for personal use *whistles*

Lots of bitching ahead, and some fangirling too )

Apr. 29th, 2009

IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO MAKE SENSE, SHOW?

DUDE. I may not have time for recaps, but I need to bitch. There's only so much venting I can let out in YouTube comments, and also, they have that pesky character limit.

Specifically, I need to bitch about this:



Hai Jenny and your idiotic screenshot. I'm telling you, YouTube hates us. Even if it's a clip with gorgeous DeRo scenes, the screenshots it picks will invariable feature 1) someone's face frozen in a retarded expression 2) Mike or 3) NINA (it is all over Nina. If there's a 10-minute clip that features 2 seconds of Nina, you can be sure there will be a Nina screenshot).

But that's not what I'm here to bitch about. I'm not even here to bitch about Deniz being the biggest tool in the scarily enormous AWZ toolbox (hello boy-who-used-to-be-sensitive/conflicted/occasionally sweet, I miss you!) or about how Roman is clearly still not impervious to him no matter how much he might want to be (seriously, Roman, just smack him one in his pretty, sneering mouth. It'll make you feel so much better!) I am NOT EVEN HERE to bitch about Vanessa and what a completely pathetic shadow of her former character she is these days or how she is still given the crappiest, crappiest love interests ever in the world. No no. I am SERENE AND CALM about these things, oh yes.

The thing I'm here to bitch about is Stella/Lars.


Dear Show,

OMG. WTF? I know I didn't exactly have grand expectations of your set-up for this pairing being believable and engaging. And it won't be a secret to anyone reading this journal that I've loathed Stella and the way she was forced into this show pretty much from the get-go. And yes, I happen to think Lars and Jenny are awesome together and make an intriguing pairing exactly because they are both so messed up. So yeah, I am about as biased as it gets and there was admittedly little chance that I would give Stella/Lars much of a real chance to impress me. However. When I set my standard for the development of that relationship low, I was unaware that the development stage WAS GOING TO BE SKIPPED ENTIRELY. What the bleeding hell happened there?

Let's look back. Stella appears on the show and runs into Lars. Lars lends a hand with her daft broken scooter and then disappears. Lars is indifferent to Stella. Later, Lars comes back and engages in a relationship with Jenny. They are passionate yet cautious with their real feelings; tentative, fraught, complicated, yet strangely adorable, and very genuine. Then we have a scene in which Stella runs into Lars and the audio track is overwhelmed with frantic heartbeat sounds, which apparently mean STELLA LOVES LARS NOW. Whatever. Then Stella daydreams a bunch of crap about Lars fondling her. Lars looks disinterested EVEN IN HER OWN DREAMS. Meanwhile in the waking world, Lars is too busy having awesome sex with Jenny and touching Roman a lot more than seems necessary to notice that Stella is PERKY, REFRESHING, GUILELESS-YET-WITTY, LOVABLE, WISE BEYOND HER YEARS and generally 150% MADE OF STICKY-SWEET FAIRY FLOSS. There's some clashing of intentions when Stella offers Lars beer and then overcompensates her apologising; then she attempts to tell him she knows all about his sekrit pain, Lars is pissed off and tells her to shove it, then she goes back to the circus and Lars brings her back, not because he cares but because Jenny asked him to. Then Stella smooches him. Lars goes WTF and tells her to can it. Stella cans it. Stella continues to have heart palpitations around Lars. Lars is oblivious, and also indifferent. Lars is very good at being indifferent. Lars is also layered enough that you can tell when he's being stand-offish to protect the vulnerable core of his brooding heart, and when he's being INDIFFERENT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY PARTICULAR FEELINGS ABOUT YOU. Lars is also very good at not talking pretty, and at telling people just what exactly he thinks.

Taking all these things into account, when one second Lars is saying "I'm with Jenny" and "Get the hell over it" and the next second he is standing there with his lips hovering a hair's breadth from Stella's, the only logical conclusions I can draw are: 1) Stella's just had a shot of vodka and the alcohol fumes are beckoning him irresistibly 2) Stella's holding a couple of voodoo dolls with her and Lars's hair glued to them behind her back and is at present making them smooch or 3) Show, once again your relationship build-up is RIDICULOUS BEYOND BELIEF.

Look, I don't like this pairing to start with because I think it's lame and predictable and devoid of interest; because it's an exact, play-by-play rehash of Jenny/Julian/Diana and I am already allergic to Stella being sold as the new Diana; because once again, it's breaking up a truly intriguing pairing with intense chemistry for one that is bland as oatmeal (see DeRo vs. DeVa, although sadly I think DeVa even had more chemistry than Stella/Lars);

But all that said, and I know it is a LOT said - how the fuck am I even to give this pairing, little as I like the mere idea, the tiniest chance if I, as a viewer, am given absolutely no genuine, believable set-up whatsoever? Am I really supposed to just swallow this crappy serving of insta!love? From zero to smoochies? I don't freaking think so. I didn't buy it for DeVa, and I'm not buying it now. Give me something to work with, for crying out loud. Something other than THOU MUST LOVE STELLA, FOR SHE ART LOVELY. I know you have these weird ideas about your OTPs being so awesome and self-evident that they don't need any explaining or struggle, but boy, are you ever wrong. CONSISTENCY. SHOW-DON'T-TELL. BELIEVABLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. LOOK UP THESE CONCEPTS, I BESEECH YOU. I KNOW YOU ARE JUST A FREAKING SOAP AND YOU PROBABLY DON'T GIVE A TOSS. BUT DAMMIT, YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAINST MY WILL SO I'M EXPECTING YOU TO BE BETTER THAN THIS. WORK OUT YOUR ISSUES OR I AM GOING TO BE SO VERY CRANKY WITH YOU AND WE WON'T HAVE SEX AGAIN EVER. BELIEVE THIS.

Very little damn love,

Me

Mar. 24th, 2009

Recap: Episodes 640 & 641, and a rant

Oh god, good thing I don't have much time. If I went into detail on these, I'd doubtlessly be frothing at the mouth.

Instead, let's shoot some bullets:


Dear writers : Try something fucking NEW, I beg you. I haven't sat through Roman/Deniz/Vanessa only to watch you pull the exact same crap on Jenny/Lars/Stella )

[Lil: MRA-NE]
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Mar. 15th, 2009

Well, DUH!

I just managed to delete In This Home On Ice from NoLimits and had to repost the whole thing. RAISE A TOAST TO MY IDIOCY!

The new chapter was apparently too long and cut off mid-text, so I was going to delete it and chop it into two parts, but failed to notice that it was the delete button for the whole story, not the chapter. Durr. WELL DONE, SELF! *headdesks*

And of course the pretty reviews are gone with it, too, plus I didn't really need to spend the better part of an hour reposting and wrestling with the formatting. Argh, time for a drink.

Feb. 15th, 2009

Recap: Episode 615 - Skating Pretty

Oops, looks like I spoke too soon in my last recap: Annette didn't manage to persuade Simone to be lenient with the loan payments after all. Simone's all, "No way," and Annette's all, "Bitch, HELP ME!" and Simone's all, "IN YOUR DREAMS" and then Annette starts yelling about how Simone's only doing this to screw her over so she won't have the means to support a child and will lose all chances of being to adopt Lena's baby, and that's pretty much that. Nice negotiating, Annette! Simone chucks her out, where she runs into Ingo, who's conveniently overheard the whole thing and begs her to let him help her. Annette, ice-cold: "I can get by just fine without a guy who cheats on me with random psycho whores", and while she's got a point about the cheating... OUCH, Annette. Didn't you just realise with Roman that you should give people another chance? Besides, she totally can't get by, because she's currently waaaay up shit creek without a paddle. Pride's a little hard to afford just now, Nettchen.

Meanwhile at the factory of The Working Class Is Scum, Children: Max is working for this freight-hauling company (using his hair to grease spare gears) but he hasn't told Celine about it, instead pretending to work in an office for a consulting firm. As we know from countless thousand TV-based scenarios, that's always a smart idea and will never in a million years come out at just the wrong moment to bite him in the arse. No way. Anyway, the foreman and his co-workers treat him like crap for no particular reason, apparently just because everyone knows that the working class are crude and mean-spirited and just a half-step up from apes. Nice stereotyping there, Show.

Celine, happily ensconced in Max's hotel room (how is he still paying for his hotel room if he has no bank accounts and no ready cash?), is surprised by the early arrival of her bratchild Zoe, who has apparently swapped her braces for seven kilos of make-up but has forgotten to get surgery on her vocal chords so her voice is still the most grating, squeaky, horrid sound imagineable. Also, Zoe is the most annoying child in the world evah, just so we're clear on that. Uhm, she came home early because Max and Celine are getting married in two days apparently. That came about fast. Can't blame them, though - considering how fast marriages crumble on this show, not to mention the disaster-proneness of the weddings, no wonder they want to get it over with as quickly as possible. Oh god, this is all too boring to do in detail, so let's sum up: Max sneaks around, is treated shittily by the foreman, has to take an extra shift and misses the pre-nuptials talk he and Celine were supposed to have with the priest; also, Axel tattles on him to Celine & mentions that Max is definitely NOT working for the company he said he was. Celine makes a "hmmm" face. Next!

My reason for hating Stella today: her hair is stupid, and she's wearing shorts over tights and something that looks for all the world like a DENIM BRA over her psychedelic shirt. I kid you not. DENIM BRA = OUTERWEAR WTF. Anyway, so Lars runs into her and tells her that he found her and Deniz's skating the other night "interesting". SNORFLE. Now, we all know that "interesting" means "hilariously bad", but of course Stella doesn't catch his drift. Instead, she puppy-wags after him and beams, "You really mean you thought we were good?" Uhm, NO, blondie, he said INTERESTING, remember? Unfortunately, Lars doesn't correct her and even asks if she's planning to pursue it, thereby planting the stupid "ooooh, Deniz and I could be pair-skating champions" notion in Stella's bleach-blonde brain. BAD MOVE, LARS. But I didn't mind this scene that much because Jenny and Roman were training in the background, so it was easy to focus on them instead. HI THERE JENNY, LOOKING GOOD IN BLUE! Roman, pleeeaase get a new shirt, or just train without one, kay? Actually the latter option is JUST FINE.

A bit later on, Stella is sitting around with a garishly decorated cocktail daydreaming, when along comes Simone, eyes nearly bugging out of her head, and starts bitching, "What's this, little miss? Aren't you supposed to be WORKING?" and "Jenny and Roman's performance is today and if anything goes wrong because you've been slacking your arse off over here, you're OUT" etc. etc. Oh Simone, how I love you and your ice-cold business brain. So Simone leaves, Stella makes a face, like yeah, how dare she remind you to do your JOB, right, Stella? I mean, everyone KNOWS you're supposed to be the STAR of this show. (Just in case I don't mention it enough, she IRRITATES me.) Nina has observed the whole thing and waves Stella over and they have a little girl bonding over Stella confessing that Lars thought her skating was good (for the last time, twit, INTERESTING was the word he used), and Nina gets all starry-eyed: "So does that mean he's in love with you now?" LOL, Nina. You'd think you live in a soap or something. Stella demurs, although that's totally what she's secretly thinking. Ugh.

The people from the skating association arrive. Lars, Jenny and Roman shake hands all around. Jenny and Roman are clearly nervous. Awwww. Don't worry, kids! You'll be fab! I know it, because the spoilers told me so, but also because I have utter faith in you! *cuddles them*

Fry stand woes! Annette forgot to cancel her sausage order, meaning she and Keule end up with ten boxes of sausages and no place to sell them. Oops. Keule is defeatist, but Annette gets her activist boots on and sets up a makeshift grill station in front of the fry stand to sell sausages and collect donations for repairs. Keule secretly calls Ingo to help with the grill. Ingo promptly sees his chance to launch a patented Ingo Zadek Will Fix It campaign that was really really confusing and I don't really know what he was going to achieve, but it involves Marian, Deniz, Oliver and Juli in workman's coveralls with lots of tools sneaking about in non-funny slapstick fashion, so I assume they were going to fix the fry stand or something? Basically, then everything goes wrong, because the authorities apparently frown on public selling of sausages outside of your burnt-out fry stand, so they have to pay a fine and lose all the money they'd made, and while Keule confesses this to Annette at the WG, Ingo and his be-coveralled crew of useless helpers come storming in with booze ready to celebrate. Annette is utterly unamused, and I can't say I blame her because the whole thing was just kinda useless and unfortunate. So she yells at Ingo in front of everyone, starts throwing sausages at them and chucks them out. FAIL. Btw, Igor looked about 26 in these scenes, oh wait, that's because he is. It's getting really really ridiculous that they're still selling him as an 18-year-old. And what's with the stupid slapstick moves! Once again, he was hopping around and making daft faces like a monkey. Can someone give this actor something useful to do, please?! I want real Deniz back! You know, the one who had the occasional sweet/charming moment even though you wanted to slap him around a lot? That guy? Please?

Ice rink! Pair-skating! Finally! I gotta say, I was pretty psyched for this. Jenny and Roman look really pretty in their matching red and black, although I'm not sure why Roman had to wear his grey woolen cap, other than to hide his double's non-matching hair, I guess. The performance goes swimmingly, and the camera-work was good as usual, very smooth cuts between the doubles' pretty skating and Dennis & Silvia's pretty close-ups. Mhmmmm. Lars is watching with his eyes glued to them (YAY!) and the only thing I'm bitter about is that we had to interrupt the pretty show with stupid shots of Stella looking.... I have no idea what, actually. Her droopy mouth makes it really hard to tell what expression she's trying to convey. Point is, I did not need her diluting The Jenny/Roman Show. Aaaaanyway, Jenny and Roman do fantastically well and end on that scorching move they practised in the ballet room, with the clasped hands and the intense look and Jenny melting onto his shoulder. Mhmmmm. The skating association peeps are impressed, everyone applauds, and Jenny runs off the ice and into Lars's arms. He's really pleased and beaming at her (yes, Lars!) and she's all out of breath and happy and they kiss and it's adorable and- GAAAH, TAKE STELLA OUT OF THE SHOT PLEASE! Annoying! Also, I hope Roman got a hug and a kiss later too, OKAY, LARS?!

I was going to chew Annette out for not being at the performance after just having patched things up with Roman, but admittedly she had a good reason for not being there, what with everything crashing down on her head at the exact same time. Still, I damn well hope she's going to be a little more supportive of him from now on and not go right back to taking him for granted, cause that would piss me off.

Feb. 7th, 2009

Recap: Ep 610

Okay, when I enjoy Deniz/Nina more than Stella/ANYBODY... that's a new level of scary.

How many times? He is. NOT. Into you! Twat. )

Feb. 5th, 2009

Recap: eps 607-608, a.k.a. Welcome to the "We Hate Stella" club

Craptastic episodes. No Jenny, hardly any Roman or Lars => no interest. Instead, lots of contrived back and forth about Ingo's cheating and some stupendously, hair-tearingly idiotic Deniz/Stella... and since that's apparently not quite enough to make the viewers weep, let's throw in some Juli/Oliver/Vanessa for good measure. Oh, show.

Brave enough for the messy details? )

Jan. 28th, 2009

The Idiocy of DeVa, or Let's Flog That Dead Horse Some More, Shall We

I'd do an RL update, but frankly nothing much is happening. I'm drowning in work, poking at fic, doing EKP stuff, and giggling with [info]alsha over Shoebox Project when we have time. Where is my slashers' fund that will allow me to give up this time-sucking job, where, where? :p

Anyway, in lieu of exciting RL happenings, I ramble/rant/rehash. With encouragement:

Me: Hmmm. Options.
Alsha: Yeah?
Me: a) Work, b) Cue more episodes that will make me angry, c) Write angry, purging rant about DeVa idiocy, d) Work on fic.
Alsha: c)
Me: Yeah? Toodles.


Dead horse is not sufficiently flogged to ribbons yet )


I'm thinking I need to sit down sometime soon and do a full rewatch of the glory days episodes or I shall become altogether too grumpy.

In the meantime, though, this picture and its tantalising recentness never fails to make me happy:

Dec. 30th, 2008

Well, fuck this.

Where I was enraged and appalled on principle and in a general sense about the Prop-8-related goings-on in the States before, I have now joined the ranks of those who are infuriated on a personal level. The bloke who runs the Gays of Daytime blog and started the message board posted this today.

My first reaction was to be sad - I don't know this guy well and I've only been following his blog for a few months, and my contact with him doesn't go beyond a few emails about what's going on with the DeRo subtitles (that he has been wonderful about supporting and pimping), but in those few months, his blog and the board have become a staple in my life. So at first I was just sad and sympathetic, because it sucks and I'll miss his snark and it's a crap situation. Then it really hit home WHY it's such a crap situation, and that we've been hearing about this and ranting about it and signing petitions and whatnot for a while now, but this is the first time that I've seen it in action, personally affecting someone I know and respect.

And that is SHIT, people. That is an incredible, reeking, steaming pile of shit right there. We're two days away from 2009. 2009! And people are having to emigrate from the United States of America, a country that once was the place people fled to in order to be able to live as who they are and not be persecuted for being different.

Now this guy, who from what I know of him is a fabulous person and who's been enriching the lives of people all over the world, has to leave his chosen place of residence, and his boyfriend has to uproot his entire life to be with him, and there are no words to express properly just how much that sucks. Not even eight years ago my girlfriend and I were considering the United States as one of our options for a place to live - for a while there, it even topped the list. Now, if we'd gone there, we'd be stuck in the same pile of shit. (Sorry for all the excrement-based cussing, but anger doesn't usually leave me much room for sophistication).

I can deal with the fact that we don't have flying cars yet, or instantaneous transportation, or an end to disease or whatever. I can deal with the fact that we're not perfect and that we're still learning about a lot of things, but good grief, this is basic stuff. How come we keep flunking such no-brainers as Tolerance 101 and Don't Fear Diversity?

America, I am so freaking disappointed in you. You can do better.

Nov. 29th, 2008

Eps 564-565 recap

Wow, didn't reckon with so many reactions to the last recap. This time, I was smart enough to have a drink before facing the next episode :p

Which wasn't as completely gag-worthy, thank god.

Other plots first: Max gets hit by the lorry instead of Zoe, Celine woes over his prone form. He ends up being perfectly fine, of course. Zoe & Celine bring thank-you cake, Max ducks his head and acts shy and hopeful. It's kinda bizarre and also kinda cute. (Yes, I know. I'm taking medication for it.) Celine ends up going for it, of course. There are smoochies, until Celine sees him buying out Nina for Steinkamp-related bizniz reasons, and gets her "I knew it" face on. Oh well.

(Side note: The fact that Zoe, who's supposed to be 14, acts like a whiny 10-year-old, combined with the fact that Deniz, who is 19, acts like he's 14, gives me the impression that the writers currently at the helm of the storylines really have no idea how teenagers behave at what age. They just seem to be going with a general theme of "whiny, stupid and completely unlikable".)

Steinkamps/Axel/Nina: Oh, too boring to recount.

Lena/Ingo/Annette: More angsting re: pregnancy/abortion. Annette: "Noooo, don't kill it!" Lena: "Yeees, I can't have it!" Ingo accompanies her to the abortion clinic, which was actually a pretty moving scene (good music choices, as usual), and Lena backs out at the last second (literally - the nurse was just about to anaesthesize her). Annette suggests having a flat-share baby that everyone looks after (by "everyone", she means the three of them, but oh, how I want to see Roman fail at handling a baby, lol). By the end of 565, Lena is back to wanting to abort, and Annette bursts out that she and Ingo will adopt the tadpole.

In a conversation with Lena about sleeping with unlikely men while drunk and then having blackouts, Annette mentions that happened to her once with some guy named Roman. Roman? Do we know someone named Roman? This show doesn't have a character named Roman, does it? I mean, if it did, wouldn't we get to see a storyline with him occasionally, or get to see him, period? Huh. At any rate, Annette mentions the tequila incident semi-fondly rather than "that time I slept with that guy who used to be my friend", so I don't know if she's mellowed towards him in his abscence or what. Sadly, I think she's just not thinking much about him either way. But it was nice to see her refer to him without bitterness.

I think that covers the other plots. Rentboy plot only figured in episode 564:

Pick-up from where Marian was yelling at Deniz at No.7 last time. Right in front of the customers, lol. Put on the spot, Deniz admits that he's still working for the escort service. Marian is understandably outraged and brings up the incident with the fat old guy at the hotel room. Deniz says that was a misunderstanding and the escort service knows he doesn't do that (uh...). Marian demands just how dumb he is (don't ask, Marian) and that people who go for escort services want more than an escort. Duh. Then he wants to know if Deniz slept with the chick from the pool and if she paid him for it. Deniz: "She was hot, I would've done it anyway." You keep telling yourself that, Deniz. "But you took her money." "She made me take it!" (I wonder how long it takes the writers to come up with these lines.) Marian wants to know if he doesn't have any pride. Deniz pretty much loses it and snots that he isn't proud of owing Marian 13,000 (I guess he lent it to him after all) and that he'd much rather take Julia's money than work in this shitty bar. Holy crap, Deniz. That was so way out of line that I think I could see the line from the other side. Marian: "So you'd rather be a whore?" Deniz storms out. Marian shouts after him that he's ashamed to have him for a son, followed by angry Turkish. The customers stare. Marian: "What the fuck are you looking at!" Heh.

That was actually a decent scene, mostly because Marian owned it and because there was some recognition of the fact that Deniz is acting like a complete lunatic right now.

Later: Hockey practice. Wow, they still have that? Deniz acts like a jerk, first bumps into Vanessa and then fouls her. She's not amused. Mike demands that he apologise. Deniz replies something dickish and gets kicked out (I'm not sure if that means out of this practice or off the team.) Deniz: "Fuck you all." Vanessa, fakely: "Awww." Heh. You go, girl. This was very reminiscent of the early Deniz/Vanessa hockey clinches. Weird.

Fry stand. Deniz is despondently munching fries when Julia shows up. He walks over, she says hi, he snots that if she wants to book him, she'll have to go through the agency, which... good point, Julia. Sheesh. Anyway, she says she didn't mean to offend him (aww, why not?? He needs some offending) and she's married and ten years older than him, so she didn't want to give him false hope or anything. Deniz sulks. Julia says that since at least they know where they stand with each other, she has a suggestion: She'd like to book him exclusively, 5000 a month, three months for starters to see if it works out. Uhm, whatever. Deniz makes a puzzled face while he laboriously does the math. Apparently his duties will include opera & restaurant appearances and... "And sex?" "If it so happens." Oh no, his poor wronged virtue! He's not a whore, he's a model (a zooooopermodel!) and he's only doing this to get out of a tight spot, blag blah blah.

No. 7, Marian unloading his car, in a foul mood. Lars spots him and asks if everything okay. No, it fucking ain't.

Öztürk flat. Deniz goes through the mail. He picks up a postcard that mentions "would love it if you could come to my last performance", and my stupid heart did a leap for a sec, but 1) it's addressed to Marian and 2) it's from a woman and 3) Roman wouldn't do that anyway, but who cares, it gave me a brief happy moment of "what if" ;) Another letter = another model agency rejection. Deniz? Go finish high school, you moron! He calls the escort service and tell them to take him off their file, then snots at the receptionist when she wants to know why. I have a "why" too. Why is he so fucking rude to everyone? Sheesh. Marian, who just came in, overhears this and is cautiously glad. Deniz shoves the postcard at him, turns out it's "from your goddaughter who's with the circus, she wants you to come see her performance." Ugh, hi Stella. (Although I had that postcard on pause for a few minutes puzzling out the message, and the name was definitely not Stella. Guess they came up with that later.) Anyway, Deniz is off. Where to? Julia. Marian freaks: "You..." Deniz: "Yeah, what? Whore? Rentboy?" (this entire plot sucks, but I have to admit I like hearing those words out of his mouth *g*) Anyway, Deniz doesn't care. He's going to make 15,000 euros in 3 months and then he'll no longer be indebted to his father, wheee! *facepalms*

Uhm. Hello? A couple weeks ago when they did the math on how long Deniz would have to work at No. 7 to repay his debts, they came up with 5 months, and that was, OMG, like, forever. Now he's going to prostitute himself for 3 months, and that's dandy? What it takes to turn Deniz Öztürk into a whore: 2 months of not having to wait tables, apparently. Oh-kaaay.

Steincamp Centre. Julia waits by her car, smirking. Marian watches from the entrance, biting his lip as Deniz kisses her and they hop in the car. As they drive off, Marian runs out to take down her licence plate - not entirely sure what he's planning to do with that, isn't Deniz of age? Mike sees it and, being the prime wanker he is, can't let the opportunity to needle Marian pass by. What's he going to do about his whoring little son? Marian, desperate, yells that he doesn't know either, but Deniz is slipping away into deep shit and he doesn't know how to stop it. The way he said that last bit and Marian's expressions to go along with it broke my heart a little bit, and actually Marian is the only reason this ep was easier to bear than the others: Because his desperation and frustration were real, and Sam portrayed them really well. And it was good to see someone react appropriately to just how ludicrous the prostitution deal is. Also, to Marian's credit, he was much more outraged and disgusted over the fact that Deniz would sleep with someone for money than he ever was about Deniz being gay.

Alright, I think having recapped it, I need another drink, lol. And then back to work.
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Nov. 27th, 2008

Eps 561-563

Why am I watching this show? Seriously, right now all it does is make me bitter. Who are any of these people? Because either I don't care or I occasionally glimpse someone I like and vaguely wave at them, glad to see a friendly face even though they don't get a plot (hi Marian, hi Ingo). Or the ones that I do care about (hi Snape Max) have so little to do with the characters I used to care about that it's like watching another show anyway.

Okay, let's get the other plots out of the way first: Oliver is getting off the drugs. Vanessa helps. It's boring. Why oh why can't they for once give Vanessa a good love interest? Because, Oliver? Bleck. I don't know if he's just chemistry-free with everyone, but seriously, I don't get the appeal at all. Aaanyway. He's supposed to be at a seminar but is hiding in his flat and Vanessa sneaks around covering up his tracks, and it's all entirely devoid of interest.

Lena angsts re: pregnancy/abortion a lot, sitting at the table and staring at her ultrasound sprog. Non-funny eating of herring with jam. Non-funny scheme of telling people it's Annette who's pregnant. Ingo sits around and supports. Hi Ingo. Can you call Roman pls? And get some juicy gossip about some hot skater he's having a scorching fling with?

Jenny/Lars: She pines for him, he pines for Diana. Woe. Then he tries to shag her because... I dunno, because he's an arse? Then stops halfway through cause he can't. Hello, douchebag, at least do something about her. I guess that's not the point. The point is he's a jerk and he's using her and she's letting him because she lurrrrves him and we're supposed to care. Sorry! Next!

(Side note: Asshattery aside, Mike is the worst trainer ever. Seriously. Why is this man still working there?)

Steinkamps/Axel/Nina/Maximilian: Scheming re: buying Axel out. Celine is not impressed with Max's ploys. Still giving him the cold shoulder. I don't particularly care for her, so that's fine with me. Here, Max. My shoulder is warm. At the end of the last ep, Maximilian saves Celine's annoying whiny bratchild Zoe from an oncoming car and gets hit himself. Max!

*deep breath*

Okay, rentboy lameness. There is exactly one funny moment in all of this, which is right at the beginning when Vanessa is sitting at No.7 doing homework for invisible highschool while wearing earbuds. Deniz comes in, says, "Hi Dad", then spots Vanessa at the bar and, after a brief pause, says, "Hi, ex-girlfriend" to her back. She doesn't hear him, though, because of her earbuds, so he thinks she's ignoring him. Heeh. When was the last time these two even spoke? Sad.

Anyway! Deniz moans about money and needing brand clothing and whines at Marian for an advance. Can I just take this opportunity to say that it's getting entirely ludicrous for him to be acting like a whiny 14-year-old? Okay, so according to the show's timeline, he still can't be more than 19 (which is getting lame too, because Igor just doesn't look like a teen anymore), but seriously, the guy's been through stuff that ought to change and/or mature you. Let him grow up already, because having him hop around whining about needing cooler clothes and having to work at his dad's bar is just getting embarrassing.

Right, I was recapping. Ahem. A letter from another modelling agency comes in saying they don't need him. He lies about it to Marian, because he's not allowed to learn lessons from the million times he's lied to people where that ended badly. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Anyway. He's got bills, he's got no money. Woe. Table-wiping at No.7. Marian: "You could always go back to school." WORD, Marian. But no. The cell phone rings, it's the escort service. Deniz: "Ok, but my usual conditions apply" (i.e. no sex). Escort service: "Sure thing." Marian: "Who that?" Deniz: "I haz modelling job." Me: *headdesks*

Next thing we know, he and the client are sitting in the car in front of the Steinkamp Centre. I think I kinda missed how and why they got there. Why the hell would she not show him off to her friends or take him to some glamorous party she needs an escort for, or just take him home and ravish him already? Why are they hanging out in front of the place around which HIS life revolves? Like I said, it's possible I missed some explanation there because I was too busy rolling my eyes, but it makes no sense anyway.

The client's not at all bad-looking, which also has me snorting at the notion of her needing to buy herself a man. Yeah, Deniz is pretty, but come on. She's fairly smokin', she so doesn't need to buy them. Whatever. Lame chit-chat about the centre. It has a pool. It has a pool! This is somehow amazing enough news that this pool needs to be shown off. Mike sees them get out of the car together and does his icky "hey baby" routine on Julia (I think that's her name). Next thing we're in the pool swimming. Mike ogles Julia, she wants to know what his deal is and then snogs Deniz, making sure Mike can see. The point of this? I dunno. I think the point ran away to puke, or possibly it drowned.

Next thing, locker rooms. Of course. They're in bathrobes, snogging. He locks the door. Undressing. Snogging. Then, to add insult to lameness, he picks her up and kinda shoves her against the lockers with her legs wrapped round his waist. Uhm, writers? We really didn't need that comparison. We already know Deniz can do a wallslam. More to the point, we know he can look hot/turned on doing it, which, here?... not so much. Sure, there's groping, kissing, smirking, the works. And I didn't buy a second of it, and not even because I'm biased. It was just staged. He's hot, she's hot, they're not hot together, end of story. If they're trying so hard to make us believe he's into women, bloody well cast a woman he sparks with. God. Anyway. Into the shower for sex, mercifully we got the curtains drawn on us.

Post-shower sex. Deniz blathers crap about how he'd never have thought he'd meet a woman like her at a job like this, and could they go see a movie or have dinner tomorrow? She's dressing and giving him funny looks. She doesn't have time tomorrow. Oh, fine, the day after then, enthuses Deniz. Julia's not interested. Thank you, Julia. She puts 500 euros down next to him. He blinks and doofuses that she paid him already (uh, right, she gave him 500 in the car), she says he should be paid for his services. Heh. This was the only part that didn't piss me off. Deniz is all, but, he did that because he likes her and because it just happened! Julia smirks and says if she wanted a relationship, she'd call a dating line, not an escort service. And he's earned his money. See ya! Cue Deniz doofus face. Meh. I would give Julia the thumbs-up for brushing him off if I didn't already know she's coming back for more. Or, hey, wait, is that supposed to be a different client? I don't remember the spoilers.

Later, there's a scene at No.7 with Marian. Mike's around and needles Deniz about the hottie from the pool. Marian gets suspicious, because Deniz was supposed to be at a modelling job. Also, Marian saw the 500 euros and thinks that's hefty pay for a tiny job. Deniz mumbles and lies. Marian pretends to buy it. Then Deniz's cell phone rings, escort service, duh. And here comes the part that infuriates me. Escort service person asks something. Deniz: "Male or female?" We don't get to hear the answer, but GOD, what I wouldn't give for it to be "male". Deniz says "okay, but my usual conditions" (hah), and the way they've been writing this pisses me off SO MUCH, because I just KNOW that it's not a man, and they're making it sound like Deniz wanted to know the gender and only said yes after hearing that it's a woman. Granted, I'm not 100% sure but, well, about 96% :p It totally sounded like an "Oh, okay, if it's a woman, I'll do it", and that's, just.... argh. Rage.

Hello writers: I know I'm being tedious about this. But, god, you don't just do that. If he's bi, FINE, for fuck's sake. I could even get over you never addressing this or having him struggle with it, although that's sloppy and lame as well. But to now have him act like he's only into women after all and completely ignore the whole Roman story is so insulting to the characters and the story and, ahem, the viewers. Because, hello, we were there, and that wasn't a fucking glitch. That was real. Sorry if you didn't MEAN for it to come across as real, but, well, your actors made it real, so DEAL. Don't pretend it never happened. God.

Anyway. Marian overhears the phone conversation (of course) and freaks out at Deniz, yelling that he's not modelling, he's whoring. Well, yup. But it's okay, right, Marian? Because it's with a woman. I could freaking murder someone.

I feel so bad for Igor having to act all this crap, but the saddest thing is I don't give a toss about Deniz right now. Because I don't know this guy. He's acting like a brainless dick, but this time there's no reason I can buy. I don't mind shitty or stupid behaviour, as long as I can get why. I don't get this. I have no idea what was in his head when he screwed that woman in the locker room. All I can think of is that she was showing she wanted him, and he's always responded to that almost compulsively - if someone wants him, they can have him, apparently. But then the stupid crap about oooh, how awesome she was and about wanting to go out with her? Didn't buy it for a second. What's going on with this character? There's no real conflict, there's nothing that moves me about him right now. It's not even that he'll screw anyone who shows an interest in him, because then presumably he would have screwed the fat male client from a couple weeks ago. No, he screws a slew of women he has no sparks with, and Roman. Occasionally. But I have no idea what the hell is going on in his head while he does it, or what motivates him. It's contrived and lame and sad and it depresses the hell out of me, because this was such a promising character, and I used to love him even in his bad moments. Now? I just can't be arsed.

I am so going to go and watch the wallslamming vid about ten times now. And have a drink. God, I should have had a drink while watching this!
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Nov. 12th, 2008

More ranting at AWZ writers

Okay, while we wait anxiously patiently for new clips, let me rant some more about what the hell these writers were thinking, shall we? Because that never gets old. I was translating episode 306 and 307 a few days ago and naturally had to watch them like a dozen times for this purpose. The sacrifices I make! :D Anyway, quick (or not so quick, as it turns out) rant in light of later developments...

Preaching to the choir here, I know )
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