Mar. 19th, 2012

Mallory & Irvine: A Historical Mountaineering RPS Post (What? Yes! Oh God.)

I have been meaning to post more but could not really think of what, as I'm on a strictly limited allowance of Crazy Things My Cats Did posts. I have, however, recently rediscovered my love of reading (something I didn't have too much time for the past few years), so I've been devouring books like a Death Eater eating, uhm, death (or possibly treacle).

One of the things I have been reading about is climbing. I used to climb and used to love it but I've kind of grown too old and lazy to do it, and also, mountains are fucking terrifying. I mean, they're entirely awesome in every way but personally I'm done crawling all over them with a big neon-green sign reading "COME AND KILL ME" around my neck, you know?

Instead, I read about other climbers, which is great fun, very educational and very much less lethal.

So without further ado, let me present to you two mountaineering legends of the early 20th century and their Great Clandestine Gay Love Affair (As Totally Fabricated By Me):

I am probably going to hell for this (picspam-heavy) )

Sep. 6th, 2011

Zivilisationsidiot

We had a five-hour scheduled power-out for line maintenance today - smack in the middle of the day because city council hates people who work from home, clearly. I figured I'd just keep working because well, I'd still have my computer battery and the internet, right? Until I had a duh moment because you need power for the internet :p Kept working for a while anyway, using DICTIONARIES MADE FROM BOOKS. OMG STONE AGE. When my computer battery ran out, I decided I'd use the time to do some laundry.

When I realised that I am a moron and you need power for that, I decided to do some vacuuming instead.

*bagplants*

(I eventually went to buy groceries and was mildly pleased to discover my legs do not need to be plugged into a socket to work.)

Nov. 17th, 2010

Gross.

Dear Australia,

It's widely known that we have none of all the highly venomous, nightmare-inducing, scaly, hairy, clawy, bitey and otherwise lethal critters y'all seem to have hoarded over there (and you're very welcome to them!). So I have to ask. Did you send over a nasty little brand of fucking jumping spiders? Because if you did, I hate you and I'd rather like you to take them back pls. No, I don't care if they're tiny. No, I don't care if they're not poisonous. They're spiders and they jump, and those two things should never go together, especially not when one is taking a nap in one's garden and is woken up by a tickling on one's leg caused by a spider jumping on one.

Seriously dude, not cool. I'd blame South America but they're farther away and you sent us the possums, so. Even if they're not yours, you have hungry giantspiders that would just looove jumping tinyspiders for breakfast, I know they would. Take them awaaaaay.

Arachnophobic, groggy and not pleased,
Me

PS: I was just trying to find a picture to help you identify the particular kind I want you to take away and OMG FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK NEVER EVER GOOGLE FOR "JUMPING SPIDERS" IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR PICTURES EW EW EW EWWWW I WANT A CHEMICAL SHOWER, AN OBLIVIATE SPELL AND SOME BRAINBLEACH RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, ARRRRGH.

Jul. 1st, 2010

Cracky commentfic (OMG, self, what?)

Title: According to Plan
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles Was Zählt, Marc
Word Count: 290 words (commentfic)
Rating: Uhm. G?
Warnings: *Uhm, murder. But in a cracky way! (that makes it ok, right?)* [highlight to read]
Summary: Marc knew he would never win Roman's heart as himself. After all, he was the past and Deniz was the future and he was not hot and Deniz was SO CUTE and the PERFECT BOYFRIEND. This had been confirmed by focus groups. So there was only one thing to do, really.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing, nothing.
A/N: Hahahahah, omg. Okay. So someone on YouTube was all "Marc, when are you going to learn that you are no Deniz Öztürk???", which had me crack up as I imagined Marc trying to impersonate Deniz and then [info]praderwilli was all "Fanfic bitte?" and I was all, "Oh fucking hell, why not", so... WILLI, YOU CUNNING FOX, THIS IS FOR YOU. And then [info]sdk came along and hyena'd at me and commanded me to post somewhere linkable and I cannot deny her, so... lololol. (Also, if someone were to photoshop Marc trying to look like Deniz, I would be their willing slavegirl for life.)

According to Plan )

Jun. 15th, 2010

Imagery fail

Hahahahaha OMG LOL.

So I'm reading this book in bits and pieces. You know, in 2-second snatches here and there between the seven gazillion other things I'm doing, mostly during breakfast. "Into the Wilderness" by Sara Donati, fairly crap, total, shameless Last of the Mohicans rip-off, but hey, not requiring too many braincells, which is nice in between.

Anyway, so I finally reached The Sex Scene, and... lololol. It started off well enough, in a cave, rolling on on luxurious pelts (like you do), and it was kind of sweet and I was enjoying myself.

Until he pulls off her shift, and then...

The luxury of her breasts, firm and round and full, struck at him like a fist.

OMGWTFBBQ LOL. Now all I can think of are these extra-bouncy breasts pummelling the poor bloke in the face like a pair of Ben Steinkamp's punchiest boxing gloves. *dies*

JUST, NO. HOW ON EARTH DID YOUR BETA EDITOR NOT TIE YOU TO A CHAIR IN A LIGHTLESS ROOM AND FEED YOU NOTHING BUT COCKROACHES UNTIL YOU CONSENTED TO TAKE THAT LINE OUT, WOMAN? OMG.

/random bookfail is random

Jun. 13th, 2010

Fic: Organic Fishcakes For Dinner (OMG Celine fic, argh!)

Title: Organic Fishcakes For Dinner
Author: [info]aldiara
Fandom/Characters: Alles Was Zählt, Celine/Bernd-the-gentle-mobster
Word Count: 500 words
Warnings: This fic contains Celine and tomato fertiliser.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Far from Essen’s daily dramarama, Celine discovers the joys of a simpler life.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, OMG THANK FUCK.
A/N: Written for the Celine Laffort NDFUG Fic Challenge, which is to say I REFUSE TO ACCEPT ANY BLAME. Thanks to [info]lilithilien for beta-ing! Your organic brain bleach is in the mail.

Organic Fishcakes For Dinner )

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