Jan. 28th, 2011

Very Important Poll Brought To You By the Die, Arachnids, Die, Die Society

What? [info]geekchick1013 wanted news and this is all I got. Blame her.

Two spiders in my bathroom are eating a third one. (It's probably their mother. Spiders suck, y'all. [info]lilithilien, are you sure you want to come here?)

Poll #5904
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Should I:

View Answers

Squish them all now (and risk them ganging up on me)
1 (6.7%)

Wait until one of the two survivors has eaten the other one too and THEN squish the last one
0 (0.0%)

Chase them all outside without squishing
3 (20.0%)

Pretend they're not there as long as they don't come in the shower
2 (13.3%)

Entice a neighbour/mailman/passing schoolchild to do the squishing/chasing
5 (33.3%)

Catch them alive and torture them
0 (0.0%)

Leave them alone since they're only acting according to their nature and it's daft to attribute evil characteristics to them just because they're possibly eating their mother
0 (0.0%)

Wait for [info]alsha to come back in... uh, a month and a half?... to deal with (by then gargantuan freak cannibal monster) spiders then
0 (0.0%)

Fuck spiders. Just fuck 'em.
4 (26.7%)



Also, some OTHER spider has woven a humongous web against the outside of one of my kitchen windows, which is theoretically fine since I don't open that window and I don't usually see the spider, only the web, BUT, for purely creepy reasons of morbid fascination I have measured it and, while indisputably being a masterwork of structure, elegance and the amazing innovation of the animal kingdom, the freaking thing is also 70 cm in diameter. It's like the Taj Mahal of spiderwebs or something. Ick.

Nov. 17th, 2010

Gross.

Dear Australia,

It's widely known that we have none of all the highly venomous, nightmare-inducing, scaly, hairy, clawy, bitey and otherwise lethal critters y'all seem to have hoarded over there (and you're very welcome to them!). So I have to ask. Did you send over a nasty little brand of fucking jumping spiders? Because if you did, I hate you and I'd rather like you to take them back pls. No, I don't care if they're tiny. No, I don't care if they're not poisonous. They're spiders and they jump, and those two things should never go together, especially not when one is taking a nap in one's garden and is woken up by a tickling on one's leg caused by a spider jumping on one.

Seriously dude, not cool. I'd blame South America but they're farther away and you sent us the possums, so. Even if they're not yours, you have hungry giantspiders that would just looove jumping tinyspiders for breakfast, I know they would. Take them awaaaaay.

Arachnophobic, groggy and not pleased,
Me

PS: I was just trying to find a picture to help you identify the particular kind I want you to take away and OMG FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK NEVER EVER GOOGLE FOR "JUMPING SPIDERS" IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR PICTURES EW EW EW EWWWW I WANT A CHEMICAL SHOWER, AN OBLIVIATE SPELL AND SOME BRAINBLEACH RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, ARRRRGH.

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