It's widely known that we have none of all the highly venomous, nightmare-inducing, scaly, hairy, clawy, bitey and otherwise lethal critters y'all seem to have hoarded over there (and you're very welcome to them!). So I have to ask. Did you send over a nasty little brand of fucking jumping spiders? Because if you did, I hate you and I'd rather like you to take them back pls. No, I don't care if they're tiny. No, I don't care if they're not poisonous. They're spiders and they jump, and those two things should never go together, especially not when one is taking a nap in one's garden and is woken up by a tickling on one's leg caused by a spider jumping on one.
Seriously dude, not cool. I'd blame South America but they're farther away and you sent us the possums, so. Even if they're not yours, you have hungry giantspiders that would just looove jumping tinyspiders for breakfast, I know they would. Take them awaaaaay.
Arachnophobic, groggy and not pleased,
PS: I was just trying to find a picture to help you identify the particular kind I want you to take away and OMG FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK NEVER EVER GOOGLE FOR "JUMPING SPIDERS" IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR PICTURES EW EW EW EWWWW I WANT A CHEMICAL SHOWER, AN OBLIVIATE SPELL AND SOME BRAINBLEACH RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, ARRRRGH.