Snape Max) have so little to do with the characters I used to care about that it's like watching another show anyway.
Okay, let's get the other plots out of the way first: Oliver is getting off the drugs. Vanessa helps. It's boring. Why oh why can't they for once give Vanessa a good love interest? Because, Oliver? Bleck. I don't know if he's just chemistry-free with everyone, but seriously, I don't get the appeal at all. Aaanyway. He's supposed to be at a seminar but is hiding in his flat and Vanessa sneaks around covering up his tracks, and it's all entirely devoid of interest.
Lena angsts re: pregnancy/abortion a lot, sitting at the table and staring at her ultrasound sprog. Non-funny eating of herring with jam. Non-funny scheme of telling people it's Annette who's pregnant. Ingo sits around and supports. Hi Ingo. Can you call Roman pls? And get some juicy gossip about some hot skater he's having a scorching fling with?
Jenny/Lars: She pines for him, he pines for Diana. Woe. Then he tries to shag her because... I dunno, because he's an arse? Then stops halfway through cause he can't. Hello, douchebag, at least do something about her. I guess that's not the point. The point is he's a jerk and he's using her and she's letting him because she lurrrrves him and we're supposed to care. Sorry! Next!
(Side note: Asshattery aside, Mike is the worst trainer ever. Seriously. Why is this man still working there?)
Steinkamps/Axel/Nina/Maximilian: Scheming re: buying Axel out. Celine is not impressed with Max's ploys. Still giving him the cold shoulder. I don't particularly care for her, so that's fine with me. Here, Max. My shoulder is warm. At the end of the last ep, Maximilian saves Celine's annoying whiny bratchild Zoe from an oncoming car and gets hit himself. Max!
Okay, rentboy lameness. There is exactly one funny moment in all of this, which is right at the beginning when Vanessa is sitting at No.7 doing homework for invisible highschool while wearing earbuds. Deniz comes in, says, "Hi Dad", then spots Vanessa at the bar and, after a brief pause, says, "Hi, ex-girlfriend" to her back. She doesn't hear him, though, because of her earbuds, so he thinks she's ignoring him. Heeh. When was the last time these two even spoke? Sad.
Anyway! Deniz moans about money and needing brand clothing and whines at Marian for an advance. Can I just take this opportunity to say that it's getting entirely ludicrous for him to be acting like a whiny 14-year-old? Okay, so according to the show's timeline, he still can't be more than 19 (which is getting lame too, because Igor just doesn't look like a teen anymore), but seriously, the guy's been through stuff that ought to change and/or mature you. Let him grow up already, because having him hop around whining about needing cooler clothes and having to work at his dad's bar is just getting embarrassing.
Right, I was recapping. Ahem. A letter from another modelling agency comes in saying they don't need him. He lies about it to Marian, because he's not allowed to learn lessons from the million times he's lied to people where that ended badly. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Anyway. He's got bills, he's got no money. Woe. Table-wiping at No.7. Marian: "You could always go back to school." WORD, Marian. But no. The cell phone rings, it's the escort service. Deniz: "Ok, but my usual conditions apply" (i.e. no sex). Escort service: "Sure thing." Marian: "Who that?" Deniz: "I haz modelling job." Me: *headdesks*
Next thing we know, he and the client are sitting in the car in front of the Steinkamp Centre. I think I kinda missed how and why they got there. Why the hell would she not show him off to her friends or take him to some glamorous party she needs an escort for, or just take him home and ravish him already? Why are they hanging out in front of the place around which HIS life revolves? Like I said, it's possible I missed some explanation there because I was too busy rolling my eyes, but it makes no sense anyway.
The client's not at all bad-looking, which also has me snorting at the notion of her needing to buy herself a man. Yeah, Deniz is pretty, but come on. She's fairly smokin', she so doesn't need to buy them. Whatever. Lame chit-chat about the centre. It has a pool. It has a pool! This is somehow amazing enough news that this pool needs to be shown off. Mike sees them get out of the car together and does his icky "hey baby" routine on Julia (I think that's her name). Next thing we're in the pool swimming. Mike ogles Julia, she wants to know what his deal is and then snogs Deniz, making sure Mike can see. The point of this? I dunno. I think the point ran away to puke, or possibly it drowned.
Next thing, locker rooms. Of course. They're in bathrobes, snogging. He locks the door. Undressing. Snogging. Then, to add insult to lameness, he picks her up and kinda shoves her against the lockers with her legs wrapped round his waist. Uhm, writers? We really didn't need that comparison. We already know Deniz can do a wallslam. More to the point, we know he can look hot/turned on doing it, which, here?... not so much. Sure, there's groping, kissing, smirking, the works. And I didn't buy a second of it, and not even because I'm biased. It was just staged. He's hot, she's hot, they're not hot together, end of story. If they're trying so hard to make us believe he's into women, bloody well cast a woman he sparks with. God. Anyway. Into the shower for sex, mercifully we got the curtains drawn on us.
Post-shower sex. Deniz blathers crap about how he'd never have thought he'd meet a woman like her at a job like this, and could they go see a movie or have dinner tomorrow? She's dressing and giving him funny looks. She doesn't have time tomorrow. Oh, fine, the day after then, enthuses Deniz. Julia's not interested. Thank you, Julia. She puts 500 euros down next to him. He blinks and doofuses that she paid him already (uh, right, she gave him 500 in the car), she says he should be paid for his services. Heh. This was the only part that didn't piss me off. Deniz is all, but, he did that because he likes her and because it just happened! Julia smirks and says if she wanted a relationship, she'd call a dating line, not an escort service. And he's earned his money. See ya! Cue Deniz doofus face. Meh. I would give Julia the thumbs-up for brushing him off if I didn't already know she's coming back for more. Or, hey, wait, is that supposed to be a different client? I don't remember the spoilers.
Later, there's a scene at No.7 with Marian. Mike's around and needles Deniz about the hottie from the pool. Marian gets suspicious, because Deniz was supposed to be at a modelling job. Also, Marian saw the 500 euros and thinks that's hefty pay for a tiny job. Deniz mumbles and lies. Marian pretends to buy it. Then Deniz's cell phone rings, escort service, duh. And here comes the part that infuriates me. Escort service person asks something. Deniz: "Male or female?" We don't get to hear the answer, but GOD, what I wouldn't give for it to be "male". Deniz says "okay, but my usual conditions" (hah), and the way they've been writing this pisses me off SO MUCH, because I just KNOW that it's not a man, and they're making it sound like Deniz wanted to know the gender and only said yes after hearing that it's a woman. Granted, I'm not 100% sure but, well, about 96% :p It totally sounded like an "Oh, okay, if it's a woman, I'll do it", and that's, just.... argh. Rage.
Hello writers: I know I'm being tedious about this. But, god, you don't just do that. If he's bi, FINE, for fuck's sake. I could even get over you never addressing this or having him struggle with it, although that's sloppy and lame as well. But to now have him act like he's only into women after all and completely ignore the whole Roman story is so insulting to the characters and the story and, ahem, the viewers. Because, hello, we were there, and that wasn't a fucking glitch. That was real. Sorry if you didn't MEAN for it to come across as real, but, well, your actors made it real, so DEAL. Don't pretend it never happened. God.
Anyway. Marian overhears the phone conversation (of course) and freaks out at Deniz, yelling that he's not modelling, he's whoring. Well, yup. But it's okay, right, Marian? Because it's with a woman. I could freaking murder someone.
I feel so bad for Igor having to act all this crap, but the saddest thing is I don't give a toss about Deniz right now. Because I don't know this guy. He's acting like a brainless dick, but this time there's no reason I can buy. I don't mind shitty or stupid behaviour, as long as I can get why. I don't get this. I have no idea what was in his head when he screwed that woman in the locker room. All I can think of is that she was showing she wanted him, and he's always responded to that almost compulsively - if someone wants him, they can have him, apparently. But then the stupid crap about oooh, how awesome she was and about wanting to go out with her? Didn't buy it for a second. What's going on with this character? There's no real conflict, there's nothing that moves me about him right now. It's not even that he'll screw anyone who shows an interest in him, because then presumably he would have screwed the fat male client from a couple weeks ago. No, he screws a slew of women he has no sparks with, and Roman. Occasionally. But I have no idea what the hell is going on in his head while he does it, or what motivates him. It's contrived and lame and sad and it depresses the hell out of me, because this was such a promising character, and I used to love him even in his bad moments. Now? I just can't be arsed.
I am so going to go and watch the wallslamming vid about ten times now. And have a drink. God, I should have had a drink while watching this!
Why am I watching this show? Seriously, right now all it does is make me bitter. Who are any of these people? Because either I don't care or I occasionally glimpse someone I like and vaguely wave at them, glad to see a friendly face even though they don't get a plot (hi Marian, hi Ingo). Or the ones that I do care about (hi